Lessons in Love & Devotion: In Case of Emergency
by drcalvin
Summary: After much pining over their big bro, often with a bit of added secret 'mutual sword polishing', Zoro finally falls into Johnny and Yosaku's waiting arms. Of course, it's not quite that simple, but what ever is...? YAOI THREESOME. Part five of a series about what these three crazy bounty-hunters got up to in the two years before the Straw Hat crew formed, can be read as stand-alone


Lessons in Love and Devotion - Two years and three crazy bounty hunters; a series about their adventures and (mis)fortunes. In this installment, Johnny and Yosaku finally get a reward for all their pining.

_Please note that this fades to black to follow rating guidelines. A longer, more explicit version is up at archiveofourown dot org, where I have the same username (see link in the bottom)_

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An eleven thousand beri bounty wasn't a common occurrence, not even when you hung out with the most badass bounty-hunter in East Blue. An eleven thousand beri bounty that you had actually provided substantial help in acquiring, so that you could rightfully claim it as your own, self-caught bounty? Booyah!

When they walked into Strichel Valley, home of the famous Strichelin Wine and currently hosting the yearly wine-tasting festival, Johnny the Bounty Hunter, of the (moderately) famous bounty-hunting duo 'Johnny and Yosaku' was practically strutting with pride.

He knew his dear friend and occasional object of abject lust, the even more famous Pirate Hunter Roronoa Zoro, was silently laughing at him and Yosaku, but so what? Let him; without their presence, he wouldn't have had anything to laugh about!

In their recent (grand) battle for the eleven-thousand-bounty, one of Zoro's swords somehow got stuck in the iron bars reinforcing the ship's mast. And even he agreed, that if it hadn't been for some quick backup from Johnny (preen) and an almost as quickly provided replacement sword from Yosaku (second-hand preen), he'd have lost some fingers, if not his whole arm, to the dread pirate Ignoral the Wicked.

While Johnny didn't exactly mind Zoro regularly hauling his and Yosaku's ass out of the fire, it was damn nice to be able to give him back a bit, just for a change of pace. Damn nice!

So not only did they have money to spend, they were also in a lovely place to spend it and were all practically brimming with good mood. This was set to be a truly spectacular weekend!

Famous Strichelin grapes or not, Zoro didn't care about high-class wines that cost a mid-sized bounty. Beyond a taste or two so he could say they'd done it, Johnny wasn't much for the fancy-schmancy stuff either. Since Yosaku was more interested in the food, they soon moved to the edge of the festival area. Here, the less famous wine-yards had entire amphoras filled with tasty, and considerably cheaper, stuff for sale. You could hardly turn around without tripping over a stand selling grilled chicken, corncobs and smoked fish. All in all, their kind of place.

They ate, drank and became quite merry, passing a wonderful afternoon together. Only when the fluffy clouds that had covered the sky all day began towering up like dark, gloomy towers and the wind increased rapidly, did Yosaku suggest that maybe they wanted to continue the party indoors.

"We need to find an inn for the night anyway," Johnny said, thinking of the private party he and Yosaku were overdue.

This was, they had come to discover, one of the worst things about being friends with Zoro: He wandered back into their lives, as sexily sword-obsessed as ever. They celebrated their reunion if they had money (rare) or Zoro dragged them into even more mortal danger than usual, which led to him landing a big bounty. _Then_ they had money and could celebrate their victory. Rinse and repeat for a few weeks, maybe even months. They'd be together, spending a lot of time sleeping in the wilderness (Zoro really wasn't a city person) and both Johnny and Yosaku would fall just a little bit more in lust-love-frustration due to their friend's apparent zen-like indifference to such lowly bodily needs as sexual desire.

And just when one or both of them had convinced themselves that this was it, they'd actually die if they didn't at least _ask_ if Zoro might be interested in a bit of hanky-panky, he'd get lost and wander off. Or decide that he needed to go climb a mountain to meditate alone (okay, that only happened once, suspiciously close to The Homebrew Incident We Don't Mention). Sometimes Zoro would get whiff of a rumor regarding Hawk-Eyes, while Yosaku's contacts brought up a perfect bounty-head for them in the opposite direction, and they had an amiable split. Always nice when they managed a proper goodbye before going in separate directions.

It did wonders for their sex-life, in a way, because shared frustrated sexual desire for a man they both admired and perhaps possibly feared a tiny bit meant that some wild stuff went down just after Zoro left... but god, if Johnny wasn't getting tired of this song and dance.

Also, what with all the sleeping in the forest, he and Yosaku rarely had the chance to do anything more creative than lend each other a hand, perhaps sneak a quick blowjob, while Zoro was around. The upside of the nature excursions was that their big bro seemed to consider a little (actually, a lot) casual nudity amongst the guys a completely natural thing. He had an especial fondness for skinny-dipping after training. And almost naked sunbathing if it was too hot. And sitting around sewing up his clothes after a fight, wearing nothing but his bandana and the blood of fallen enemies (seriously, that should not be as sexy as Johnny found it; he was turning into a Zoro-deprived pervert here).

Once, Yosaku had admitted that he hardly needed a sword to fight with just after they'd been on camping excursions with Zoro. One look at him fighting, plus the memory of a bath the day before, and he had an erection he could just about beat someone to death with.

And right now? Since the island's Marine base lay a bit out of the way, they had spent last night camping in the forest. Zoro had made good use of the nearest stream.

Yep, Johnny was sooooo looking forward to availing himself of the comforts of a nice inn tonight.

Which was why it felt like a piece of ice showed down his pants when a laughing wine merchant informed him that there was not one single free room to be had, in castle nor hut, until the festival was over in three days.

"What about private rooms?" Johnny asked. "Nobody has a cottage?"

The listeners whispered and tittered about ignorant foreigners. Apparently every farmer, widow, sailor's family and assorted other persons in possession of extra rooms had rented them out weeks ago.

"It's no big deal." Zoro, horribly frigid monk that he was, said. "We can just sleep in the woods again."

"But it'll start raining soon!" Yosaku protested. "Look at those clouds! We'll have a real storm later tonight."

And we want to fuck properly, Johnny silently added, seeing his long-awaited vacation melt away.

"Wellll.. Pardon me..." A querulous voice came from a nearby bank. "but if you... boys don't mind bunking... up a bit, I... might have an... idea?"

The speaker was a positively ancient man, whom they had given a glass (or three) of wine earlier, wanting to share their half-drunk cheer. With a sinking feeling in his stomach, Johnny foresaw rotting shacks and carpentry-for-beds in his future. However, since it might mean a roof over their heads, they listened.

Much to his surprise, Johnny found himself carefully positive to the suggestion.

It wasn't a shack, but a boat. A little freight hauler, that the old fart had apparently sailed his entire life. Now, he was too old to keep the business running and lacking heirs, but wealthy enough to retire comfortably, he'd put the the ship in dry dock.

"She's not sea-worthy for a trip right now. But nothing wrong with the hull that would cause problems for a night or three if she's anchored," agreed a young woman selling burnt almonds in a nearby stand. "I recently inspected her myself since we've been talking about a deal. If you're interested, and ready to get her into the water yourself, I can show you where she's stored?"

Done and done! They exchanged handshakes, bought some almonds, paid half the rent in advance and suddenly, they had a room for the week. Yosaku was dispatched to go rent bedding from a friend of a friend of the almond seller while Johnny and Zoro went to put the boat into water.

By the time they were installed, the ordered wine fair of the day was a mere memory. The rising winds had driven most people inside taverns and pubs and, from the sound of it, turned the entire thing into one hell of a party. Much to his surprise, Johnny found that he preferred the privacy of their current location, compared to spending the night in a chock-full inn with loud revelers all around. He hoped he wasn't getting old.

The only issue was that the boat really only had one room big enough to sleep in. They'd built up a kind of bed-cum-nest in the middle, which was soft enough to sleep comfortably on. And, a nice bonus if the storm really hit around midnight like Yosaku had predicted: no hammocks or bunk beds to fall off .

Unfortunately, Johnny suspected that his dreams of sexual debauchery would have to remain dreams for at least another week. Because a one-room boat, where they'd be sleeping right next to Zoro? Not an environment suitable for Johnny and Yosaku to engage in a bit of private fun. (And they'd share bedding with Zoro! Holy crap, but his balls would be bluer than the ocean before this week was over.)

"I want to get another bottle of wine," Zoro said in that moment, "maybe pick up some breakfast too."

Yosaku looked about to protest, but Johnny quickly elbowed him in the side. They were both perfectly aware that if Zoro went into town on an ordinary day, they wouldn't see him again for at least an hour. Now? Three, minimum. Four, if they were lucky and the rain stayed away.

Perhaps it was mean, but Zoro did volunteer. And if he wasn't going to admit his little problems with "right" and "left", who where they to push the self-revelation on him? Also sex, yes please.

So Zoro left, with a map, a note containing the boat's name and the nearest street, and a holy oath that he wouldn't just wander off for greener pastures without letting them know. More or less as soon as they saw he'd reached the harbor proper, Yosaku jumped Johnny and started tearing at his clothes.

"Mhmm, I'm gonna do you so hard you'll walk funny for a week," he said and nibbled at Johnny's ear.

Approving wholly, Johnny tried to get Yosaku out of his clothes, preferably without letting go of his ass. A not entirely easy, but entertaining, exercise.

They'd come so far as to remove most of Yosaku's kit; his favorite plaid shorts [1] dangling off their swords in the furthest corner, a silent witness to Johnny's awesome undressing skills. He himself was happily topless, currently enjoying his partner's hands down his pants. Yosaku had good hands, really good. And when he took just a little bit of lube on his fingers and tickled him in all the right ways, like he was doing right now, Johnny preferred to just cling to him and express his gratitude with big, sloppy kisses.

This was when they were interrupted by a hesitant knock at the door.

"Shit!"

While Johnny tried to hide the lube and his raging stiffy beneath the covers (ohh, just sleeping, had a long day), Yosaku frantically attempted to pull on some clothes.

"Uh, who is it?" he called after a pause that was probably just a bit too long – shit, shit, shit, they didn't know what this island thought of their type, and they couldn't just leave without Zo –

"Zoro!"

The feared bounty-hunter and infamous swordsman was nowhere to be seen right now. Instead, there was a very embarrassed green-haired young man in the door, ostentatiously shading his eyes while a vibrant red flush crept up his face where it clashed rather horribly with said green hair.

"Guys, I'm so sorry," Zoro muttered, crab-walking into the room without looking at either of them.

"Wha– You– Why are you back already?" Johnny managed.

Yosaku was sputtering nonsense, and, oh crap, had he put on his shirt backwards?

"Forgot the bloody money," Zoro said, grabbing – oh shit, damn, goatsucking piratefuckers how could they have missed that – his money pouch. "Sorry, I'm going, never mind, it's nothing..."

Several things became clear to Johnny in that moment. The first one was that Zoro was apparently not the kind of guy to come after a pair of fags with his swords just to prove his own manhood. Not that he'd have pegged him the type, but Johnny had encountered some nasty surprises in that department before. Second was that he didn't just _know_, he'd obviously known for a while. And if he thought it best to remove himself...

"Bro," he said, very calmly because it was either keep calm, or start running around screaming and the boat was too small for that, "have you been taking off on your own when we become too obviously horny for your peace of mind?"

The way that Zoro stumbled over his own feet answered that question.

"How long have you known?" Yosaku asked through chattering teeth.

Johnny found himself holding his breath.

"Since that time at," Zoro swallowed and the rest of the the sentence came out in a rush, "thefirstdoctorsplace."

The words hit like a punch in the gut. Johnny heard his partner's choked curse and he swallowed convulsively. That wasn't... How could he...

"We're such idiots," Yosaku whispered. "To think that _you_ wouldn't notice our shit... Bro, no, sorry, Roronoa-san, I'm so sorry–"

At that, Zoro's head snapped back as if he'd been slapped and the red faded rather dramatically from his face, leaving him far too pale. "It's okay," he said, staring at the roof. "None of my business. Sorry."

"We've been screaming out your name," Yosaku wailed, "and you didn't even complain!"

Zoro kind of twitched, but refrained from answering.

Johnny's mind whirled. How many times had he heard? How often had he felt them looking, ogling and admiring? They'd been telling themselves that they were only watching, it's okay, he's not noticing anything, so it doesn't matter... Fuck, but Johnny definitely wasn't feeling like a good mate right now. In fact, he felt like the skeevier cousin of a sea slug. Slimy, bad-smelling and only uglier when you got beneath the surface.

"It won't happen again," he promised. He wondered if it wouldn't happen because he and Yosaku would finally learn to think with the heads on top of their shoulders instead of the ones in their pants, or because they'd never see Zoro again once it stopped raining. The latter possibility left him with a surprisingly thick lump in his throat. Shit and double-shit.

"I – Sorry," Zoro repeated, eyes still stubbornly glued to the roof. "Didn't think you'd mind."

"Whoa, wait! We mind? What about you?"

A blink, and he finally got Zoro to look his way. "What about me?" He seemed honestly nonplussed. "I could've gone back to sleep if I wanted to, but I was... curious."

While Yosaku made some choked-off noises, Johnny tried to twist his head around the many shocks of the last few minutes. "Are you saying sorry that... that _you_ listened to _us_?"

Zoro nodded sharply. "I didn't think... I mean, I heard you say– But you say a lot of things," here, his blush deepened again, "but since it was mine I thought it was okay. If I listened."

"You heard us call your name," Yosaku repeated again. "How come you've never, okay, not complained bu- but y'know... Mentioned it?"

"Ah, you seemed so... complete. And you didn't invite me when I –"

Sometimes, Johnny had moments of brilliance. Revelations, really. Hopefully most of them would be happier than this one.

"_YOU wanted to JOIN US?_"

When Zoro managed a shaky nod, Johnny decided that it was time for a complete change of plans. (Again.)

Since his brain was obviously useless as anything but a blood-cooler, he might as well go back to letting his dick make the decisions – all the decisions – from now on. Because it had always had a much better idea of how they should've handled the whole stupidly sexy swordsman issue than the rest of him.

He lurched to his feet, still dizzy with surprise. Yosaku yelled out in surprise when he stepped right into Zoro's personal space; their blushing friend however, remained frozen, the first time Johnny could ever recall his amazing reflexes failing. They waited a heartbeat, staring at each other, and Zoro's mouth slowly opened. Before he could fire off a question, Johnny gathered his courage and grabbed his shoulders, pulling himself up flush against Zoro. This amazing breach in their familiar behavioral patterns shut Zoro up completely. Behind them, Yosaku's mouth shut with a snap and he fell silent, waiting for the explosion.

Johnny could only hear the heartbeat thunder through him, drowning out everything but the way Zoro's lips looked so, so tempting. He wasn't certain if he was amazed at his own courage or if maybe his subconscious had decided that death by swordsman was the best way to deal with the entire mess. But when he moved his face that last dangerous bit, when he finally dared kiss Zoro... Ahhh, then angels sang and Yosaku groaned just from looking at them and everything was perfect (including their teeth jolting into each other, the way he was climbing to Zoro like a damsel from the worst kind of red-cover novel and the knowledge that a misunderstanding might leave him chopped in three – living on the edge, that was Johnny's deal all the way).

It soon became obvious that the edge wasn't that sharp today. Because Zoro was kissing back, hungrily. His hands on Johnny's shoulders were a lot less oh-god-let-go-of-me pushing and much more grasping him, pulling him in and Yosaku groaned again, as if he was one stroke away from orgasm.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Johnny finally gasped when they pulled apart.

Somewhat dazed, Zoro shook his head. "You didn't seem interesting in the real bits. And you two fit so well together."

They were all, officially, idiots. But that was okay, because sometimes three wrongs became one right. When Johnny pulled Zoro down into the blanket-bed, he suspected that this moment might be very right. As Yosaku followed and began tearing at Zoro's, and Zoro happily began tearing back at his shirt, Johnny knew for certain that everything was indeed perfectly, wonderfully fine.

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[1] Once upon a time his favorite plaid trousers, until that little incident where they finally found out what it took to get Zoro completely shitfaced. He'd been very apologetic about it and had personally re-sewn the trousers into shorts when it became obvious that the stains would only come out if the plaids went with them.

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**THIS STORY HAS BEEN SHORTENED FOR FFNET! The scene continues (for another five pages, ahem), but that would definitely push this to a explicit MA rating, and I've already had one fic booted off recently so I don't want any trouble.**

If you'd like to read the rest, I suggest AO3: archiveofourown . org (slash) works (slash) 464431 My penname there is the same as here, drcalvin.

Acknowledgements:

Thanks to loveandallthat and aech-fic for helping me with beta-reading and comments! And a great thank you to my reviewers, it's great to know that I'm not the only one who liked the idea of seeing what these three were up to together

On that note... if you like the fic, please leave feedback. It makes for happy authors ^_^


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